Enjoying Your Company

It's crazy to think you can connect with someone and fall for someone so fast.  I am glad that I don't have to think too seriously about it, because the summer is coming up.  I question what I want, and have been for quite a while now.  Memories are made and friendships are formed.  A time may come where I have decisions I need to make, but for now, I'm just going to enjoy what I have, and the people I have to spend my time with.

Solution to Your Daughter Being Gay

Fortunately, most of my family supports my sexuality.  Those who wouldn't I haven't told, and don't feel like it is their business.  These images are true to the story, though.  I have had both friends and family go through this.  A lot of people discriminate against any sexuality that is outside of being straight.  It is important to remember that they are speaking out of what they feel is right, out of their own religion or upbringings or personal opinions.  This doesn't mean that what is right for them is right for everybody else.  Everybody should have the right to their own opinion.  However, sometimes, we forget what affects those opinions can have on other peoples and societies.  Depression, suicidal thoughts, prejudice treatment, lack of rights, the inability to feel accepted among loved ones are just a few side effects of what could come out of other people not being considerate of what their words and actions can have.  

There is a big fight between Christianity and LGBT that has been going on for quite a while now.  I'll post the flaws that I see in these arguments in a later post, so feel free to check that out for, possibly, a new perspective on either situation.

Internal Conflicts

Having to pick between a right and a wrong is rough.

How is it that we decide what is right?  We were raised with morals; something somebody told us.  Things that have been passed down for centuries.  We decide what is right based on our knowledge, on our knowledge of the situation, on our experiences, and on what we assume may be the possible outcomes of each decision.

It would be Ayn Rand's philosophy that would direct me to let it go, because love has not been deserved.  Unfortunately, it is not so easy as black and white in my eyes.  I am fighting an internal conflict that could very well be life changing, in that how I live and what I surround myself with is affected.

In situations like these, I feel as though there simply is no right answer.  There is only the decisions that I choose to make, and the outcomes that may come from them, but there is no right answer.

Labyrinth of Words

He holds the door open for me.  I step through.  As I start to look around, I feel warmth at my hand.  It's his fingers wrapping around mine.

Getting lost in the density of the clouds.  I know I could fall any moment now, and I do keep looking down.  He's holding me tight, and I know that if I close my eyes for one second, I'll be waking up to his beautiful eyes looking down on me.  I feel safe, I feel secure, I feel naked, I feel ashamed.  Wide open and yet concealed in one instant.

But he knows.  He still holds on even though he knows.  But is it safe that he knows?

Exposed.

Too Nonchalant For A Text

I keep wondering if I do this to myself.  I look back and question what exactly happened.  Was it me?  Was it going to happen anyways?

I know some people say that it is a waste of time to contemplate the past.  I beg to differ.  I think the past is very important, so you can learn from the experiences you have, and hopefully avoid from making the same mistakes over.

I've always been one to say that I don't believe in mistakes.  I use that word now, but I guess I still believe in not believing in them, it's just that sometimes, it gets harder to accept.  I think that things happen and, to look at the past as full of mistakes is simply dwelling and getting you nowhere.  I realize that at first glance, this makes me sound like a hypocrite, but realize I am comparing looking into the past and learning from the past.  If you accept what has happened and use it as a learning experience, or opportunity, or whatever, then you have turned a mistake into something that has purpose, and therefore you have reversed the action from an error.

Still, there's only one time I get excited like a 7th grader waiting for a crush to get out of class.  Only one time I have to take deep breaths and try to inhale calm into my tummy.  Only one time I can walk away lonely, knowing that it may be the last time, knowing that there isn't much I can do about the situation, and yet be totally and completely happy anyways.  Why can't I just get what I want?  Why do things have to be so complicated and simplistic at the same time?

Oh, to learn from the past, of which, I know not all the facts, or to lose myself in a daydream again...

Philosophy on The Truth

After the first day of class, my philosophy teacher knows my name.  I came to him, suggesting that people have claimed that there have been evidence uncovered of worlds before us on this earth with technological advances if not as great as ours, then greater.  He asked me if I felt as though this could be true.  I had one simple question in response.

What does it matter?

What does it matter if we possess all the knowledge in the world?  What does it matter if we know all the past and all the present and all the future?  If we know what is after life?  If we know what else is further past what is where we are now?  If we are repeating the pasts of the worlds?  What difference does it make?  What does it matter who is praying to the right god or gods or goddesses?  So what if there is or is no after life?  What if everything was true, and nothing was true?

Now, I could get very deep with this, but that would just get depressing.  Yes, that's right, the questions I've asked are just the surface of my depths!  So, I'll leave you with this.

Many people search for The Truth.  Many believe they have found it in religion, but nobody knows for sure.  The only sure thing is that people have faith.  Suppose there is no singular truth. Could it be possible, in your imagination, is it even fathomable that there may be multiple truths?  Could it be possible that we simply cannot handle what we cannot experience, that we limit ourselves through lack of imagination, and therefore, if presented with the truth, we either would not believe it, or would go crazy because of that knowledge?  Perhaps it is better that we don't know The Truth...

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, so feel free to email me at quantalusions@gmail.com

Anything from comments to arguments to religious ideas against this to agreeing with me, it doesn't matter.  I have an open mind and do love to listen to the intellectual.

Turn The Music Up

He turned the music up in the car.  I had been absentmindedly singing along, but had become aware of it now.  Was he trying to tune me out?  Oh, no, not gonna work, buddy!  I belted it out.  He kept turning it up and I kept singing louder.  Finally, I realized he had reversed the turn of the knob.  He was turning it down!

I turned off the music and looked over at him.  At this point, I was offended and quite confused.

"What gives??" I asked.

"You were barely audible.  I turned it up hoping you would sing more.  When you did, I turned it down because the music was too loud."